What is the Spillover Effect? Well it goes like this and it might help us understand a few things about childhood!

You see when children come home and don’t want to do what we say, when they refuse instructions or stand their ground no matter what — it’s actually a compliment. It means home is a safe space.

At school, there’s a lot going on: decisions to make, rules to follow, and the constant awareness that mistakes could lead to consequences — being sent to the principal’s office, a phone call home, or a note to parents. In that environment, children often keep their emotions in check.

Psychologists call this the spillover effect. In places where the emotional stakes feel high, children “hold it together”. When they get home — a place of unconditional love — they feel safe enough to let it out.

They can test boundaries here without fear of losing your love or security. It’s their way of rehearsing for life, practising decision-making, and working out how to navigate conflict in the outside world, with you as the safe “guinea pig.”

So the next time your child comes home and pushes back, remember — they’re learning how to live in the real world. Your love and safety are what give them the confidence to practise. Rather than seeing it as disobedience, try to see it for what it is: a backhanded but beautiful compliment.